Spouse wanted

So, gentle reader, today we will take a peek into the fascinating world that is Indian personal ads. 

First of all I note that there is a "Grooms Wanted" and a "Brides Wanted" section, but nothing like a "Hot Date for Friday Night Wanted" or even a "Long Term Companion Wanted" section. Nope, it's marriage or bust here for the Delhi-advertising singles! (Though, to be fair, I think the Hot Date for Friday Night Wanted" section might be called Tinder). For the record, the "Brides Wanted" section is at least twice as big as the "Groom Wanted" section.   I guess that's what happens when you abort all of your female fetuses, folks.

Ok, sorry, sorry that was harsh.

Here are some of the category headings we find: "Divorcee/Widow", "MBA/Professional",  "Cosmopolitan", "Re-Marriage" (though, how that's different than "Divorcee/Widow" category, I haven't been able to figure out), "Doctor", plus a plethora of caste headings ("Brahmin"), religious headings ("Hindu") and regional headings ("Bengali").

Alrighty, let's a go a bit down the rabbit hole shall we? Starting with "Grooms Wanted" . . .

Here are some of the ads under the "Doctor" heading. The first thing I noticed is that being listed under this heading doesn't necessarily mean you are a doctor, but rather that one of your relatives  (usually put as your dad) is a doctor.  Please also notice the repeated use of "slim" and "fair" to describe the eligible young ladies and the promise of a "high status" family.

Now, moving on to the divorced women. One of my favorite parts here is in the first ad with the advertiser assures any potential suitor that the marriage was "non consmtd". Ya hear that, lads? She's still undamaged goods!

Also worth noting here is how many of these divorcees are pretty accomplished professionals. Why, just in the below I spot three MBAs and a PhD. (Ha! See what happens when you educate a woman? DIVORCE!)

Now, let's see what the gentlemen have to offer their would-be brides. This below, as the largest ad in the paper, caught my eye immediately. Sounds like a catch, no? He comes from what sounds like "high-status" family, is an only son (which means big inheritance, am I wrong?),  and is convent educated! (Well, I'm not quite sure what "Convent-educated" means, but it sounds fancy, no?)  True, he's a divorcee, but surely we can overlook that in a man, right ladies? Especially one who is HANDSOME and runs a MULTI-CRORE industry. (Translation note, "crore" means 10 million)

And guess what? All he's looking for is a beautiful slim vegetarian stay-at-home wife from a good family!  Sounds like a winner! But . . . he asks for a birth-chart which means you have to be astrologically compatible together. There's always a catch, eh?

Maybe this guy is a better bet, actually.  I mean, who doesn't like a man who knows exactly what kind of girl he wants--one from a Vaish Business Family! (By the way, ladies, if you're interested in a guy from a Vaish Business Family, you can find him here). But actually wait! I misspoke. The young gentleman himself is not necessarily looking for a bride from a Vaish Business Family . . . it's his Industrialist Family that has placed this ad. And, aren't they generous--no dowry required! (Actually, "No Dowry" and "Caste No Bar" are somewhat frequent phrases on the personals page. Both of which are good things).

I know what you're all wondering--what sort of article gets in on all of the actual happening on the Personals page? Well, naturally one about how to make your make-up last through a monsoon wedding! If nothing else, I implore you to read the first paragraph which is pretty amazeballs.

If any of my readers is interested in any of the young ladies or gentlemen featured on this page please let me know--there are phone numbers we can call. 

Ok, ok. I've had my fun with the Indian Personals page (and hope you have too). But to be perfectly fair, I'm sure there are far weirder things written on your average NYC OK Cupid users profile.