Married, with children

I've found that Indians, and particularly Indian men, are quite nosy. Ok, to be fair, what I call nosy is probably simply a cultural difference whereas in the USA it's considered a bit impolite to interrogate a stranger about her life, whereas here it's considered friendly.

However, I am quite wary of interacting with strange Indian men, given the gender violence that permeates this city and the notion that white women are slutty. If a total stranger or an autodriver that strikes me as a bit sketchy starts a conversation I will either totally ignore it or pretend I don't speak English by responding in loud angry Spanish.

However, there are some strangers with whom I fall into conversation because they seem harmless (e.g., men with their wives along, autodrivers I've used before without problem). Even with these folks though, I'm not entirely honest because when asked my marital status, I will always, always, always tell them that I'm married--and then usually throw in some kids for good measure. (The number, sex, and age of the children do differ, however, depending on my mood).

Perhaps it's a bit ridiculous that I always tell strange men I'm married, but better safe then sorry.

I also usually choose the narrative for myself that most debunks gender stereotypes. So, for example, a normal conversation will look like the below--in fact, this is a faithful recounting of the exact conversation I had with a man who was riding with me (and his wife) in shared auto last week. The wife didn't say a word throughout the entire encounter.

Strange man: Where are you from.
Kate: New York.
Strange man: Ah, New York! Nice city. How long are you visiting for?
Kate: I'm not visiting, I live here.
Strange man: Ohhh, what do you study?
Kate: I'm not a student. I'm a lawyer. [Editors note: men always assume I'm a student. I don't know if this is because not so many women have professions here (though, really, quite a number do), or if I just really look that young.]
Strange man: A lawyer, really? Where do you work?
Kate: I work at a health organization.
Strange man: Ah, a health law firm. Your clients are all American or Indians?
Kate: I don't have clients actually. I'm not licensed in India so I can't practice Indian law. What I do is help with some of the international work that comes into my organization. More like research and report-writing.
Strange man: I see. No clients. But you are a lawyer? Ok. How much experience do you have?
Kate: I have been working as a lawyer for 4 years.
Strange man: 4 years, ok. Short pause. You are here with your family?
Kate: I'm here with my husband.
Strange man: Oh, ok. What does your husband do?
Kate: He's a journalist.
Strange man: I see. So, he got a job covering India and you followed him here.
Kate: No, actually, he followed me here. I got a job with this health organization and so we decided to move.
Strange man: Short pause. He followed you here?
Kate: Yes.
Strange man: Do you have any children?
Kate: Yes, I have a little girl. Staving off any further questions. She's only a year and a half, too young to go to school here. My husband works from home so he can take care of her while I'm at the office.
Strange man:  What do you think of India? This must be a big change for you.
Kate: Some things I like about it, some things I don't. But yes, it's quite different from the USA.
Strange man: Short pause. How much money do you make?
Kate: I'm not going to tell you that.
Strange man: I'm just asking because I want to know how much money Indians pay foreigners.
Kate: I earn enough to take care of my family.

Most conversations are variations on the above, and sometimes I get quite creative with my husband's job or other such details. I feel a bit guilty about constantly bending the truth to perfectly benign strangers--but I have to admit, it can be pretty amusing to invent various personas for myself.