WARNING, THIS POST IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL AGES
The truth is I've had a fairly light and easy time of it in Delhi so far. I've managed to make friends and build a vibrant social life quickly, I have a lovely living situation, a job that I generally enjoy and fun exploring the city. I haven't even gotten Delhi belly yet (which my friends tell me is a miracle!). I think my blog generally reflects the ease and comfort with which I've settled into this city, but I worry sometimes that it gives an inaccurate portrayal of all of the very real ills that attend life here.
Before coming to India, I was really nervous about a triumverate of horrors I had heard about Delhi: the pollution, the poverty, and the gender violence. Those three things are a very real part of living here, and today I want to discuss the way living in a city renowned for violence against women has affected me, personally. (I'll deal with pollution and poverty in a later post).
I generally feel pretty safe when I'm roaming around Delhi during the daytime, because there are always tons of people out and about (though, as one Indian friend told me, "Yes, but if anything happens to you no one will help. No one wants to get involved, remember?") However, although I might instinctually feel safe on the daytime streets of Delhi, I intellectually know that the city is far from safe for any woman, be she young or old, Indian or foreign, rich or poor (though, let's be honest. The city is far more dangerous for indigent women). As proof of this, I need only show you the headlines from the newspaper today:
Now, admittedly it's not often that the paper has four rape-related cases on the front two pages (with victims spanning from 5 to 81 years of age), but nearly every day there is a new case reported on. Other ones just from this week that I remember include a 7 year-old girl who was lured into the park by her 14 year-old and 9 year-old neighbor, who both then raped her unconscious (a 9 year-old boy rapist!), and a 19 year old girl who was pulled into a van by 3 men, who deposited her several hours later on a hospital doorstep, hog tied, bleeding and with a glass bottle inserted in her vagina.
So gender violence is a real, and very scary part of Delhi. And unlike in several other countries where I have lived or visited, my foreign status (more to the point, my white skin) doesn't offer me any protection here--for better or for worse. I believe that misogyny is so entrenched in certain parts of Indian culture that women are seen as possessions and completely disposable. This is not to say of course, that there aren't loads of Indians who value women as individuals and abhor all such violence--of course there are. In fact, I have no doubt that the vast majority of Indians are completely repulsed by the headlines above.
But that doesn't change the fact that I'm asked for my father's name on every official form that I sign, that the vast majority of Bollywood movies depict women as either saucy playthings for men or submissive, dutiful wives and daughters (or the new fan-favorite, saucy but dutiful wives and daughters), that a top politician in the neighboring state remarked "Well, boys will be boys" when responding to a journalists' query about two accused rapists, or that the waiter/shop vendor/autowallah guy will almost always address the man in my group (even if I'm the one standing there with my wallet out, ready to pay). I think gender violence is just the inevitable consequence of a deeply sexist society. A society which I do believe is changing, but a society which still has a long, long way to go.
Here's what does offer me a modicum of protection here: money (so I can call a hopefully reputable cab service to take me home at night); a bit of forward thinking (if I don't have a way to get home easily, I don't go); various extreme forms of precaution (I never have autowallahs drop me in front of my house since I'd prefer they don't know where I live); staying in safer areas of the city; restricting my movements during the night; not having that much interaction with Indian men.
That last one is what kills me. Because most (though by no means all) rape is perpetrated by people known to the victim, I purposefully limit my interaction with most Indian men, whether they be the security guard on my corner, my coworkers or would-be friends. This is total racial-profiling on my part--I don't feel the same need to keep my distance from non-Indian men ("non-Indian men" here, by the way, includes men of Indian decent who were raised outside of India--so maybe it's not so much racially-profiling so much as nationally-profiling).
I do, of course, have some male Indian friends here--most of whom spent a substantial amount of time studying in the US or Europe. However, I'm extremely reticent to put myself in their care, e.g., being driven home at night. These are, of course, for all intents and purposes, non-sexist, kind and gentle men who simply happen to have grown up in India. It's totally unfair to them.
That's the problem with misogyny, isn't it? It hurts women (and perhaps LBGT persons) the worst, but it hurts men as well.
Be that as it may, in any way I can, I'm attempting to reduce risk factors.
By the way, I initially typed that sentence above as "Be that as it may, I'm not taking any chances". However, that language made it sound as if I could somehow protect against all risk of gender violence by not taking chances (the implication being, of course, that only women who do take changes are made victims). This is of course totally untrue--the pervasiveness of gender violence in Delhi means that all women who live in this city are at risk. So far I've encountered nothing that has threatened my personal safety--a trend I would very much like to see continue.
And in the meantime, I cross my fingers, come home early in expensive cabs, and carry pepper spray, everywhere.
The truth is I've had a fairly light and easy time of it in Delhi so far. I've managed to make friends and build a vibrant social life quickly, I have a lovely living situation, a job that I generally enjoy and fun exploring the city. I haven't even gotten Delhi belly yet (which my friends tell me is a miracle!). I think my blog generally reflects the ease and comfort with which I've settled into this city, but I worry sometimes that it gives an inaccurate portrayal of all of the very real ills that attend life here.
Before coming to India, I was really nervous about a triumverate of horrors I had heard about Delhi: the pollution, the poverty, and the gender violence. Those three things are a very real part of living here, and today I want to discuss the way living in a city renowned for violence against women has affected me, personally. (I'll deal with pollution and poverty in a later post).
I generally feel pretty safe when I'm roaming around Delhi during the daytime, because there are always tons of people out and about (though, as one Indian friend told me, "Yes, but if anything happens to you no one will help. No one wants to get involved, remember?") However, although I might instinctually feel safe on the daytime streets of Delhi, I intellectually know that the city is far from safe for any woman, be she young or old, Indian or foreign, rich or poor (though, let's be honest. The city is far more dangerous for indigent women). As proof of this, I need only show you the headlines from the newspaper today:
Now, admittedly it's not often that the paper has four rape-related cases on the front two pages (with victims spanning from 5 to 81 years of age), but nearly every day there is a new case reported on. Other ones just from this week that I remember include a 7 year-old girl who was lured into the park by her 14 year-old and 9 year-old neighbor, who both then raped her unconscious (a 9 year-old boy rapist!), and a 19 year old girl who was pulled into a van by 3 men, who deposited her several hours later on a hospital doorstep, hog tied, bleeding and with a glass bottle inserted in her vagina.
So gender violence is a real, and very scary part of Delhi. And unlike in several other countries where I have lived or visited, my foreign status (more to the point, my white skin) doesn't offer me any protection here--for better or for worse. I believe that misogyny is so entrenched in certain parts of Indian culture that women are seen as possessions and completely disposable. This is not to say of course, that there aren't loads of Indians who value women as individuals and abhor all such violence--of course there are. In fact, I have no doubt that the vast majority of Indians are completely repulsed by the headlines above.
But that doesn't change the fact that I'm asked for my father's name on every official form that I sign, that the vast majority of Bollywood movies depict women as either saucy playthings for men or submissive, dutiful wives and daughters (or the new fan-favorite, saucy but dutiful wives and daughters), that a top politician in the neighboring state remarked "Well, boys will be boys" when responding to a journalists' query about two accused rapists, or that the waiter/shop vendor/autowallah guy will almost always address the man in my group (even if I'm the one standing there with my wallet out, ready to pay). I think gender violence is just the inevitable consequence of a deeply sexist society. A society which I do believe is changing, but a society which still has a long, long way to go.
Here's what does offer me a modicum of protection here: money (so I can call a hopefully reputable cab service to take me home at night); a bit of forward thinking (if I don't have a way to get home easily, I don't go); various extreme forms of precaution (I never have autowallahs drop me in front of my house since I'd prefer they don't know where I live); staying in safer areas of the city; restricting my movements during the night; not having that much interaction with Indian men.
That last one is what kills me. Because most (though by no means all) rape is perpetrated by people known to the victim, I purposefully limit my interaction with most Indian men, whether they be the security guard on my corner, my coworkers or would-be friends. This is total racial-profiling on my part--I don't feel the same need to keep my distance from non-Indian men ("non-Indian men" here, by the way, includes men of Indian decent who were raised outside of India--so maybe it's not so much racially-profiling so much as nationally-profiling).
I do, of course, have some male Indian friends here--most of whom spent a substantial amount of time studying in the US or Europe. However, I'm extremely reticent to put myself in their care, e.g., being driven home at night. These are, of course, for all intents and purposes, non-sexist, kind and gentle men who simply happen to have grown up in India. It's totally unfair to them.
That's the problem with misogyny, isn't it? It hurts women (and perhaps LBGT persons) the worst, but it hurts men as well.
Be that as it may, in any way I can, I'm attempting to reduce risk factors.
By the way, I initially typed that sentence above as "Be that as it may, I'm not taking any chances". However, that language made it sound as if I could somehow protect against all risk of gender violence by not taking chances (the implication being, of course, that only women who do take changes are made victims). This is of course totally untrue--the pervasiveness of gender violence in Delhi means that all women who live in this city are at risk. So far I've encountered nothing that has threatened my personal safety--a trend I would very much like to see continue.
And in the meantime, I cross my fingers, come home early in expensive cabs, and carry pepper spray, everywhere.
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